My funeral Programme

Posted: August 7, 2012 in Uncategorized

I am used to being different. I don’t strive to be different per se but somehow it happens. I don’t know where the difference arises from but really my approach to a lot of things is different from the norm…and thats why I want to talk about my funeral. Dont be provoked already…my title will be limpid in a few seconds.

When a person passes away there is a lot of sadness, depression, crying and feeling empty that is involved. I want that to be different when I pass on.

First of all I want the doctor or whoever that will realise am no longer in need of Oxygen to announce it like it’s something thats been waited for. Kind of like when you recieve positive news about a job you so much wanted or good results. I want people to hug and celebrate and even come where my body will be lying just to pinch my cheeks.

I don’t wish that my demise be announced during ‘Matangazo ya vifo’….with an eerie music playing at the background. I want it to be announced during Sports session…and the commentator to put it in such a way that will make all my haters high five each other! Same way Arsenal guys celebrate when Manchester United only beats it by 3 goals with no response…they only feel bad when its 8-nil….3-nil is a cause for celebration for them!

During the funeral, I dont want guys putting on those sad, dark clothes. I want everyone to dress like a rainbow or with the Kenyan dresses! I want to be carried in a car fitted with hydraulics and my favourite music playing…and probably driven by a Safari Rally driver!
During my funeral I want the Servant of God to speak about me in comical terms. I want the mourners to go back home with painy ribs because of laughing.

I want my face to be painted…probably a few whisker like markings made by a white paint too. I would love it if the carpenters make the coffin to be shaped like a geometrical set and instead of Kofa it be written Kufa in calligraphy and sprayed with humorous graffiti by my friends and family concerning those things I did that just made them laugh.

By any chance I am not joking. Thats how I want it to be. Anything else from that wont be a farewell for me because farewell for me means the ones I hold dear to my heart are left missing me (ofcourse) but not sullenly…but rather in a happy amusing way. I want to be remembered not by what happened during my going away as a result of sickness or just a snap…nope! I want to be remembered for the embarassing moments I had. E.g; the crazy things I do individually or in a group, the funny routine I usually have in the mornings, the times I have bugged my mum to hug me and her responce of literally chasing me around with a big stick, the crazy things I do with my brothers in order to imitate our dad…yeah those things are what I want to be remembered for.

By doing that I wont be trying to be different but rather ensuring I am me plus you remain with your best smile on!

………. The End………

  1. Ella Kemboi says:

    so creepy but very funny!!


  2. faithnyapara says:

    Never thought of my funeral b4… N am nt even thinking of it anytym soon


  3. Sam Asselo says:

    Wow thanks a lot. You should also start posting in youre blog btw. Thank you once again!:)


  4. Sam Asselo says:

    Hehe Ba Ethan could be all along has been incubation….. Thanks for the final word in ur comment:)


  5. Sam Asselo says:

    Hehe Ba Ethan I guess tsbeen in an incubator all along. Thanks for ur thoughts!


  6. Sam Asselo says:

    Thank you so much Raindrops for coming here and actually reading it in such a short notice. And thanks for ur thoughts too:)


  7. Raindrops says:

    Stephen, I enjoyed the truth adn fearless thoughts expressed! Hmm, you seem the kind of person who loves reality, the stark truth and laughter with life. I can see that being original isn’t merely an appreciate, but your very nature. Your piece encourages me to think openly, without fear.


  8. Tegure says:

    Where was the writer in u hidden all this while?! Great!!


  9. Ronedion says:

    Wauw. It’s wonderful, how i have witten it different in the last topic ‘Remembering You’ of my book “THE OPTIMIST CREED” Sam, you are good at writing. It has dawned on me that you can do great at writing. I have become lazy of late but soon will be revived by your constant hilarious posts. I created my wordpress blog on 2011 but haven’t posted anything yet.


  10. Sam Asselo says:

    Hehehe…. Joy its the least I can do while I await the far yet so near Friday 10th. Thank you swi……..ty! :p


  11. Sam Asselo says:

    Haha… I was hoping ud also say how frightened you were at the start of ur reading? Anyway thanks brother!:)


  12. Sam Asselo says:

    Thanks Gail;)


  13. Sam Asselo says:

    Welcome to Asselo’s blog Prof! And thank you for ur comment:)


  14. Sam Asselo says:

    Thanks Aggy…for stopping by and actually reading and commenting. You also do know some crazy stuff about me…..eeeh hizo ndo unafaa ukumbuke incase i quit Oxygen


  15. jaybichiy says:

    the funniest yet!!


  16. Becky Lusaka says:

    simply creative…i like the choice of your words


  17. gail says:



  18. nonijay says:

    very funny. it seems uve graduated to a crazy Dr writer.


  19. Daniel says:

    Quite hilarious