The Staff-room-Pub relationship.

Posted: August 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

First and foremost let me join other Kenyan’s in wishing all Muslims across the globe a happy Eid Mubarak.
This article isn’t targeted at them in a sarcastic or satirical manner nor is it targeted at(some) teachers who are demanding a salary increment since they won’t be making money this holiday!

Kenyan’s have in no doubt mastered the art of money making. Makes me wonder if money making and managing household responsibility have an inverse proportion.
I would think so because guys in central Kenya who are arguably the best ‘hustlers’ in Kenya, have been in the news lately or rather have been in hospital wards lately.

Staff-rooms greatly resemble a Pub in their functions. The only difference comes in because of the circumstances present.
After a pleasant lesson in class, a teacher will be seen seated quietly enjoying a cup of tea or catching up with the news either via a newspaper or their Fm-enabled China Phones and Kabambes.
However, the one with a stressing day will be angrily marking and cursing. From time to time sending for a student who forgot to indicate the date and title of the given assignment…while the one having a good day will be sarcastically chiping in, ”Eeh watoto watukutu sana.” amid sips of tea or newspaper page turning.
Then the teacher who has totally lost hope in his class will walk in, hands full of dust from hours of writing and rubbing using the cheap dusty chalks.
The type who avoid asking if there are questions after a lesson because they will be met with hostile looks implying he is eating into their precious break period.
In the staff-room, where he feels at home, the teacher will talk about that one student who is unfortunately thick and proud proportionally.
However, the support offered by his colleagues and the tea, quickly make him remember other issue such as the Barclay Premier League.

Clustered in groups, the bar scenario is more or less the same.
As they await for the official drinking hour, the topics centre on politics, football and current affairs.

Happy hour onset is celebrated with obscene order for drinks.
Guys facing tough economic times will order last in low tones. The others who have either taken loans or an advance salary will be the loudest and generous!

The tongue starts getting lose for the guy having marital problems as the litres of drinks consumed increase. He starts talking about relationships and how some people go through hard times.
At this point the conversation is only contained between the three friends he regularly meets at the bar and only knows their nicknames and the brand they fancy.
While the broke guys drink their cheap brands, discussions on how the Government fails the youths is heating up.

The second and subsequent rounds turn the bar into a competition of who is the loudest of them all.
The broke guys will now be mentally drafting budgets for the various multi-million projects they have in place.
The guys having marital problems have started opening up.
They advise every bachelor present to remain single for life.
Several drinks in addition and some of them will share how they are usually whacked and proceed to show marks.
No one dares to laugh…not even the barman who is not sure whether he is sober or not…a laughter would mean the person laughing doesn’t need his teeth anymore.

To break the awkward silence, a clever but drunken retard will toast to all men being battered and promise to form a ‘Maendeleo ya Wanaume’ to look into the matter.
As if on cue, the marriage-distress guys will buy several rounds for the house!

As the frothy liquids quench the thirst of especially the broke guys, advise will be shared and every man becomes a brother.
That is the only time when the guys will be seen hugging with others cheering on.
A real but false sense of hope settles on them but only as long as they are drunk.
Every one of them becomes a dancer and every song becomes their favourite. They even proceed to outdo each other in mentioning the year and month it was produced and the number of versions available!
However, this doesn’t last for long because the barman doesn’t want his pub to be listed as those flauting Mututho’s Law.

Passing by the nearby cemetery, the brave few pick any red flower in sight. They bid each other goodbye each promising to give their tale when they meet next.
On arrival at home, after giving their wives the ‘rose-flowers’, they act as the perfect ‘gentlemen’ they usually see in the so


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