The Reed Dance; Kenyan Version!

Posted: September 4, 2012 in Uncategorized


Yesterday in Swaziland, there was the annual reed dance where women celebrate virginity and woman-hood.
They entertain Mswati, the UK educated Monarch with a personal fortune estimated at $200m.
Ironically, this is a country in Africa with the highest Hiv-Aids prevalence…in addition, two thirds of the entire population live in abject poverty.
Anyway, they have enough criticism already so mine will end at that.

I got thinking of our very own Reed dance in Kenya.
Beautiful chics the likes of musician Avril dancing bare-chested for His Excellency Emilio!
I am imagining a scenario where the President is seated…barechested ofcourse…and next to Madam Lucy who will be dressed in shukas..even perverts will appreciate the shukas am sure.
The maidens from various counties being brought in. Instead of reeds, each carrying something associated with their tribe.

The first group to arrive, because they are used to running and breaking records, will be the likes of Chepkurui, Chebiwot and Chebet.
Wielding ‘Mursik’ calabashes, they enter and leave with the same haste. Reason?
Except for their tight lips which makes the incissors exposed and long legs, being topless doesn’t change much for their appearance.


In quick succession, will be my neighbour Kerubo and her friend Kwamboka together with her group of bare chested friends carrying bunches of bananas and dressed from waist down like Nyambane!
Since most do major on the extremes, they will spend some time in the arena.
However this will confuse our ‘monarch’ who will say,”Hawa ni bure tu…sasa ni wachache tu wameiva…bure tu!”

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth groups will arrive much the same time.
Wamboi and Wairimu, Naliaka and Olesi, Ndunda and Kalekye, and lastly Atieno and Achieng.
Naturally, because of their attributes, they will spend the longest time in the arena.
During which a lot of uuus and aahhhs will be heard.
I am pretty sure if Alfred Mutua was the ‘monarch’, he would pick his bride from the group.

The last group arriving, ofcourse will be the very beautiful ladies from the coast.
They would have spent their precious time doing all to accentuate their beauty.
Right amount of make-up, body writings, perfect smiles and even the best Taarab songs.
What a show they would perform!
But then, they are known for their lazy nature.
So am pretty sure they will arrive the next day when the celebrations are done!

The Asians will be there too. However, they won’t be there for the dance but rather for business!
At every exit, Minivans will be packed. In conjunction with Njuguna and Kinuthia, they will be in an auction for the ‘rejects’
”Njuguna wewe napatia mimi wote saba for six-thousand na ninety nine….fair price!”
However, I won’t mind a view of the Asian ladies…if for once they leave their houses not heading to the temple, supermarket or Diwali festival!

Our sisters from North Eastern will have a field day since topless to them is a norm.
Hence they will bring their livestock along to savour the Nairobi grass in the petrol stations as they ‘dance’…

Glad to be a Kenyan


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