How to be an effective advisor. (revised post)

Posted: September 22, 2012 in Advise, Counselling, Life, RealCheck
Tags: , , ,

It is very natural when a person feels it within his/herself to be of help to a friend who seems to be getting lost.
You set out to help them and even spare your time.
Your thoughtful act however turns out to be in vain…and infact the person only worsen afterwards.
Then you blame the person for being stubborn and resisting a change he/she so much needs.

Tell you what?
You might just be the problem.

We have all at one time or another been at the receiving end of advise.
Times when we weren’t doing the right thing.
However, even after acknowledging that fact, we still needed a person who would understand our point of view.
A person who would hear us out first.
A person without prejudice or up for selfish gains.
That person who would keep what you told them confidential.
And still remain a friend even whilst you still struggle to change your ways.

1. Do you identify with his/her problem?
If you are going to advise a person who is an alcoholic, I would rather you get advise first on how to do so from a former alcoholic who is now reformed.
The person being helped feels better when confiding to a person who has been where he/she is, or understands why it may be hard for him/her to stop.

2. Are you personally a self-righteous person?
What’s your view on adulterers, fornicators, drunkards or prostitutes.
Do you view them as society rot which should be gotten rid off?
Or you view them as people in need of friendship and guidance?
Are you quick to quote a religious Book even before reasoning with a person or hearing his/her side of the story?
Sounding self-righteous is a sure put off.
Are you always right…or do people find you hard to deal with?
A personal evaluation can show you pretty easily where you are.

The Bible says in a certain verse, “For all have sinned and fallen short the glory of the Lord”

3. Are you patient enough?
Some people will expect an immediate reform from the other persons part.
You might be going to extent of quoting from the bible how the day of judgement will be for those who don’t repent.
For some other religions, which I won’t mention, a person might even be threatened if he/she doesn’t tow the line.

The methods of approach may be likened to Rose Muhando’s song ‘kiatu kivue’ which to me always seems to come from a self-righteous woman….and this is supposedly a gospel song.

On the other hand you could choose to help and sound like a person with humility just like Justin Timberlake does sound in his song ‘Losing my way.’

By writing this article, it doesn’t mean that I qualify to effectively advise a person.
In fact, the weaknesses talked off above are my weaknesses.
Like it’s been said before however, acceptance is usually the first step.

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